Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
