Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
