please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
