he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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