she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
