We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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