i permit you to call me
id be glad to
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
