the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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