Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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