fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am one with the molecules
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
