i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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