I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
