Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck