i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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