Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death