Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't tell me you're on acid again