I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
