College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
one might say we're banned from that church
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.