i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
