i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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