You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
