My first STD was from a foam party
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
