you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
