Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
