I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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