Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize