so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
