i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
