Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
