Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize