while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
