i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
