I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
