Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
