so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
