life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
