We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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