He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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