Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
