God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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