Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
