Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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