I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
