i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
