non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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