don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
