Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
