U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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