Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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