is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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