im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How does it feel to date your dad?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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