Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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