So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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