its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
