thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
