chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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