OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
