...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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