i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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