I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
