I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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