You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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