When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
