Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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