Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
