I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
