So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
