he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
