Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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