Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Boobs are out for the taking
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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