so explain again why im purple
no
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
