i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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